In the early morning of 25th july 2015, I tried climbing Mount shasta, and I was found wanting.
There were a lot of things that went wrong with our plans, but in my heart, I know that I probably would not have made it to the summit even in the most ideal of conditions.
The first piece of bad news was received as we were getting ready to set out to mount shasta. Rahul, Ashwin, Nitish and I had gathered at Nitish's place, when we got a call from our guide company. A freak rainstorm had wiped out the road leading to the trailhead. One thing lead to another and we were eventually routed to the avalanche gulche route.
When I first heard it, I was a bit surprised. As far as I knew , it was too late in the season to try that route.
But we had no choice and we soldiered on. But the change of route led to a significant change in the equipment list And very expensive delays. Essentially , the guide suggested that on the first day we just hike a short 1.7 miles to horse camp. And try for a direct summit push at midnight.
Typically Helen lake is a better staging ground for a summit push, but given our late start , it was deemed a bad option.
The hike out to horse camp was decent enough . We had 45-50 pound bags and made it into camp. From here, things went wrong for me. I started getting a bit unnerved about the prospect of being on exposed sections on the trail.
I had been mentally prepared for the scree slopes of the clearcreek route. But the idea of trekking through ice and snow scared me.
Going through self arrest school made things even worse, as i now imagined all the ways i would slip and fall on the ice.
We were scooted off to bed at 6 pm. From here things got worse for me. The first day's hike was easy and i was not at all tired. It was also my first time sleeping in a tent, on the ground, outside. I was also at about 7800 feet, a lot higher than I was accustomed to. At first , i felt very anxious about the climb, and struggled to fall asleep. As the clock ticked by, i tried all methods to calm down and relax. Eventually, the gorgeous night sky and our locale calmed me down, but yet no sleep. By the time, wake up call came , I had not slept a wink, and I felt very defeated.
I had gotten up early and packed my bag. I was so pissed off at myself for being unable to fall asleep. I knew then that without sleep i had no chance.
The night before that i had slept in a room with four friends and restful sleep was very rare. The two days before that i had horrible apnea incidents and felt fatigued the whole day. I dont know if i overtrained or just did not train enough.
Anyhow, we left camp at 120 am. Our initial climb revealed quickly to me that i was having trouble. I became short of breath very quickly. I knew within the first hour that i was in trouble, but i pushed on. Things got better for a bit. My legs were being taxed but not unduly so. I just felt exhausted , and was feeling light headed. I pushed through to Helen lake , and told the group that i was having trouble. It must have been terribly disappointing for them , the guide also expressed his reservations about our likelihood to summit .
In short, that was that. We spent half an hour climbing the ice fall heading up to the heart. But we knew, our summit attempt was over.
I didnt feel too disappointed then, because the experience was so novel, so beyond the normal for me. I had always known that the goal was too ambitious for me. I had been a dedicated couch potato for two long years before working out for two months, and it was plain to see that my conditioning just did not make the cut. Cardio, endurance, quads, all fell woefully short.
But I went out and did something i had dreamt of for years. I an proud of that. I experienced something that i have never experienced before.
I also learned the true limit of my abilities. And i know now that i must push harder.
